The year was 2019. I was rummaging to get my "shit together" by recording my fundamental, debut music album. It was a big deal.
After opening Australia's first transformative arts school for kids with disability in 2014 (when I was 24), and having the program about to be integrated into the statewide curriculum within its first 6-9 months of its birth... To then travelling around Australia & internationally to teach my integrative arts & spirituality workshops... To hosting transformational coaching + embodiment experiences, helping support the lives of others throughout my late 20s...
You could say I was under-achieved. 🥴
Jokes. Well, truly – it did feel like that.
There was an eternal itch I couldn't scratch, simply because I felt like a failure. Over and over, and over again.
Despite being so richly aware, deeply connected + heightenedly awake – and applying and creating these incredible programs for the fruition of others and overall, for that of Humanity (let alone those who needed these recreational & developmental interventions...) there was one thing that was still missing.
Well, two.
Money...and fame.
The first was a bitch-and-a-half to try to figure out, and how to obtain sustainably. (Simply because, being a spiritually-'awakened' human in a world that valued status, prose + material goods over what it was I was awakened to...things just didn't add up – for obvious reasons.)
The second...well...deep down – I had always wanted. But I also wanted success. In the thriving gifts, passions + talents that 'God' gave to me since birth. (But due to early-life traumas...I was stunted in so many ways to attain and achieve this – sustainably, with inherent safety, and absolute wellness...which was a non-negotiable for me.)
So...despite feeling deeply unmet with regards to the real dreams I wanted in my life...I still went for it.
I gave it my all.
Then...sadly – from plummeting down into the depths of the motor – full, harcore pedal to the metal – shit turned sideways.
And honestly, if I had known the one thing I'm about to dispel to you now – I wouldn't have driven myself into the ground like I did (even though I wasn't the only one responsible for what happened...but that's another story.)
So here is the one thing I'd tell my younger self, and heavily advise other young women to know – so you can live with ease, freedom, and not give so much of a shit or believe that you're failing because you're not at x, y, z yet.
Ready...?
YOU STILL HAVE TIME.
My God. Please read that again.
And one more time...for me.
Holy shit. When life flipped over at 30...I was flipping over inside of myself.
I had this deep and deeply-engrained narrative that, if I didn't "have my shit together" by 29 (cos I would be ready for babies then... P.S. I'm 33 now and my LORD the babies can wait...) my life would be over.
Lmao. Wtf.
Surprise surprise! THERE IS LIFE AFTER 30. It's like some sort of magic potion that reveals life beyond the 30-veil: THERE IS LIFE AFTER 30.
Do you know what it feels like?
...exactly the same as it felt when I was 29. Or 28. (Except this time...I was fucked in-a-half because I was in bed, still healing from being catatonic from having zero neurotransmitters running in my brain...or at least that's what it felt like...cos I ran the bridge waaaaaay too hard, trying to achieve EVERYTHING before 'hitting 30.' Or else I really WAS a failure. 🤦🏽♀️)
My dear. There is LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE between 25, 29, and 31. Just that you're slightly more wise...but still probably don't know shit? Lol I joke (don't close this article.) You know LOTS. But...love – how can you expect to "have your shit together" by learning what's right for you *IN THE FIRST 2-3 DECADES OF YOUR LIFE?!*
Lord have mercy. Please – for the love of Humanity! Give yourself a break. And take off those shoes society gave you to walk in their projected, outdated, 1950s expectations!
You do NOT need to "have your shit together" before you shit 30. Our 20s are supposed to be about experimenting! Trying new and different things! Our brain starts to "prune" its neuropathways around 23-24, and then at 28-29 starts to form in a way where it wants to decide whether where its been is what's good...or the curiosity of something else might be more aligned with your desires, and your heart.
You are MEANT to be in self-discovery mode in your 20s. (And might I say, in your 30s too...but there's more concreteness here FROM YOUR 20s.) And definitely "not having your shit together" at all!
I think Carl Jung had it down when he said, "Life really does begin at forty. Up until then you are just doing research."
Legit. Hands down. One of the best human beings who has contributed to society with his findings and personal experience.
But from mine, my love...might I say... YOU HAVE TIME.
Take a breather! ENJOY YOUR 20s! Forgive me screaming at you via caps right now – because I can't reiterate this conditioning (or deconditioning) enough.
You are PERFECT where you're at. If you work too hard, ease up a little! Enjoy the life that surrounds you.
If you're 'lazy' or on the lazy side (which, if you're here I doubt you are) then engage yourself a bit – LIVE your life and take some chances!
But don't you EVER feel like you "have to have to your shit together" before 30. Don't you dare put that pressure on yourself.
I want you to ENJOY your 20s. Like you deserve it; because you do.
Make some stupid decisions. Do stupid shit. For God's sake – MAKE MISTAKES. This is how we learn! And how your brain will learn how to heal + recover from them... and also realise that taking an action that didn't work out, isn't the end of the world...taking you away from perfectionism...and being okay with life being mediocre! GIVE LIFE A SHOT.
You're supposed to fuck up. Throughout your entire life. You're supposed to feel stupid (hopefully only to realise, there was no reason to 'feel stupid' at all.)
Be 20. Be wild. Be free!
Be exactly as you were meant to be.
I hope you take those wild action steps that make you have NO regrets.
Because THIS is the time to make them.
You're in the perfect place.
You have ENOUGH time.
There is LIFE after 30!
You have your ENTIRE LIFE to fulfil your wishes, dreams, and desires!
Age (is a load of shit) ahem is just a number.
If, in fact, you can erase age and time from your mind + consciousness, even better... But that's perhaps for another article/blog post to make.
You are enough. Don't ever forget that – or let external circumstances depict who you truly are inside. Because the REAL you – is within.
You're beautiful.
Don't let your own judgements ruin that.
Now be free – and enjoy your youth (which technically you'll have forever, if you have the energy/mindset and the Spirit!)
Big love,
Roshni! xo